Friday, January 14, 2005

Where Is The Lamb?

Little Lamb, who made thee go away?
Whither hast thou gone?
I, Memes, who gavest thee life, and bid thee feed
- By the stream and o'er the mead -
lookest for you from dawn to night
and wishest the the softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little Lamb, I shall tell thee,
I, Memes, made thee, twas me.

I honestly, don't know, where Daisy has run off to. Sheeps need a sheephereder, and that is the service I did provide for her, for this the short glamorous time of the Memesian reign.

Last think I heard from Daisy, she sent me an email that she was going on vacation, and something about how the people at her work were conspiring agaisnt her, and then, nothing.

She just disappeared. She is just a little lost shep now, I guess. I picture her out in the rain, all cold and shivering and sniffling. If I could, I would give her a little cyber tissue.

So, as we mourn our loss, I will just leave you with this sweet little poem. It brings tears to my eyes, whenever I think of Daisy:

Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
Leave them alone, and they'll come home,
And bring their tails behind them.

Little Bo-peep fell fast asleep,
And dreamt she heard them bleating;
But when she awoke, she found it a joke,
For they were still a-fleeting.

Goodnight, sweet lamb.

Blog Phooey

As a committed web journalist who has and maintains his own website (Screaming Memes , you're looking at it) on a daily (well, almost daily, sorry) basis, I feel that I must voice my urgent concern about the rising tide of the blogosphere.

Who are these bloggers? And why are they blogging at us all the time? Where do they live and what are they wearing, for god's sake?

The problem with blogs is that anyone can have a blog. Blogs are just voices in the wildnerness. Voice upon voice all shouting into the wind, "Here I am, and here's what I think."

Who cares what you think you blogging brood of blowhard bumpkins?

You know what it is of which that I am suspicious? I suspect that these "bloggers" are all out there shouting their stray and random opinions so that they can shut down my free speech. Our Free Speech.

I mean everything they say is just contradictory. We say Bush is Hitler, or the Iraq War is illegal, or that the Rather Memos were legitamite, and the blogosfear roars with condemnation saying the facts don't support the conclusion.

What facts? Where are these facts? And who owns the facts anyway? Somehow, these bloggers have gotten into their heads that they alone know where the "facts" are, as if they could just take us down to a downtown corner and point and say, "Look, there it is, the "fact". That's the one I've been telling you about.

That is just so lacking in sophistication, and nuance, and, dare I say it, it's just so fucking stupid.

The problem with blogs is that they have the trappings of academia and journalism with none of the checks and balances, none of the accreditation. Where have you ever seen a blogger who had earned tenure, or a blogger who had put in 30 years behind an anchor desk? No, these bloggers just pop up out of no where like mushrooms of media and they just spew and spew.

And, of course, with academic writing (of which I, Memes, has done not a little bit) there are footnotes to support the facts and assertions. What do bloggers have? No footnotes, that's for sure. All they have is "links". Link to what? Is that the freaking "missing link" the stupid reuputzi idiots have been harping about all these years?

Hey blogger, link to this. (I, Memes, grabs monstrous crotch)

And, in journalism, writers interview a person, or get the interview off the Reuters wire. But, what do bloggers do, they cut and paste, cut and paste, cut and paste. No facts, just a windows generated document posted on their "blog". Really not much of anything at all, when you think about it. Just 0's and 1's lost in a server somewhere.

Instead of thinking that these "bloggers" have any legitamacy, we should be warned, all these people are simply rabble with a computer. They are Macintosh media moguls. They're Windows-generated word slingers. The're the cutting correspondents. The Paparazi of pasting.

We real journalists must rise up and destroy this rabble. This great unwashed waste of server space. The bungled and the botched broadcasters of blogdom.

I, Memes, says, "Blogs? Phooey!"

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Resist The Occupation

The third stage of the War On Islam began when the Bushitler Reich detonated a atomic bomb which rocked the earth's mantle underneath the Indian Ocean. The force of this nuclear explosion shattered the bones of the earth as surely as dynamite rocks the foundation of a building during demolition.

The Earths broken bones caused it to quake and rock with such force that an large tsunami ensued which , as we all know, by now, has killed hundreds of thousands of Muslims.

It really was a brilliant strategy on the part of the Chimp and his Chimpaires, we must give him that. Somehow, in that slab of burger that he calls a brain, diabolical plans roil with astounding precision.

But, the humiliation of the Muslim world is not complete yet, as far as Dubya is concrened. He still has more plans with which we will heap shame upon the good Jihadi's (inner struggle) of the Muslim nations.

Now, the Puppet Chief of jesusland has ordered the invasion and occupation of Sri Lanka:

First off, here is the powerful American machinery in action. For 24 hours now, there has been a landing ["débarquement"] taking place — there is no other word — while helicopters continue the distribution [of "humanitarian" aid].
Cut to shot of a Sri Lankan beach where amphibious vehicles are disembarking from landing craft — unmistakably reminiscent of the D-Day landings. Note that above Pujadas used the word "débarquement" ("there is no other word"), which is the word most often used to refer to the D-Day landings. Footage of thousands of US marines offloading equipment.

These are harrowing developments. Unmistakably, the Bush Regime is gradually taking control of the entire world. From the nations along the Indian Ocean it is merely and hop, skip, and a jump to China. And then of course, the People's Republic of North Korea. We can see his malenvolent schemes manifested all over the faces of the Muslim people's.

But, the good Jihadi's have not played their last card. They are demanding the undeployment of the American Military:

Habib Rizieq Shihab, head of the Islamic Defender's Front (FPI), said yesterday assistance in Aceh could herald the start of an East Timor-style intervention designed to secure independence for the troubled northern province.

Mr Shihab told The Australian he feared the presence of hundreds of troops in Aceh would corrupt the province's strict Islamic culture.

Mr Shihab accused Canberra of using the excuse of humanitarian assistance to support a long-term strategy of undermining Indonesian sovereignty.
"Please Occupiers, move your feet from Indonesia as soon as your "humanitarian" work is done," he said. "They should not corrupt Islamic sharia law in force in Aceh, because we know that these foreign soldiers like to bring prostitutes with them. Also, these soldiers drink alcohol and in Aceh it is strictly forbidden."

My fine lawyer Biff, and I, are begginning the work of drawing up a charter for the Indian Ocean Liberation Organization. We will resist the occupation by any means necessary. A million Martyrs will throw the Military of jesusland into the sea.

Monday, January 10, 2005

The Screaming Memes Proclimation On World Peace - With a Little Help From Myhatma Gahndi

I, Memes, doth hereby proclame that I have a vision for human world peace. We can attain to this vision if we ackknowledge the inherent reality that we have inherited. What the nobel Jihadi's are angry about is Isreal.

They are angry because Isreal stole there land, just like Bush stole the election.

If Isreal would just settle down and come and break bread at the Peace Table with Palistein (their Semitic too) than we could solve world peace. If the native Muslim Palisteinians could have there land back, they would be happy, and they would stop waging Jihad.

When trying to attain world Peace it is best to model our behavior after the truly peaceful giants of histroy. Ganhdi, of course, is the first to come to mind. So, what did Myhatma Gahndi have too say about Isreal and world Peace? Well, here it is, it is suttle and newanced, so read it thoughtfuly and carefully:

"I would like you to lay down the arms you have as being useless for saving you or humanity. You will invite Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini to take what they want of the countries you call your possessions...If these gentlemen choose to occupy your homes you will vacate them. If they do not give you free passage out, you will allow yourselves, man, woman and child to be slaughtered, but you will refuse to owe allegiance to them."

"I am as certain...that the stoniest German heart will melt [if only the Jews] adopt active non-violence. Human nature...unfailingly responds to the advances of love. I do not despair of his [Hitler's] responding to human suffering even though caused by him."

"Hitler killed five million [sic] Jews. It is the greatest crime of our time. But the Jews should have offered themselves to the butcher's knife. They should have thrown themselves into the sea from cliffs."

Louis Fisher, Gandhi's biographer asked him: "You mean that the Jews should have committed collective suicide?" Gandhi responded,

"Yes, that would have been heroism."

Now, we can all see in stark contrast, the difference between a grate man like Gahndi and an evil man like Herr Hitler.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Screaming Memes Nominated For An Koufax Award

The Screaming Memes and Diasy the Lamb Bolg has been nominated for an Koufax Award for "Best New Left-of-Center Blog."

No surprise their really, is their?

I believe that is a monatary stipend that comes with the Awrad. Something like $150,000.00.

That will come in handy in a pinch.

I would expect to take home all the honors because clearly I do better work than all the other "left-wing" bloggers. It is an epistemologically provable fact.

I would like to take this opportunity to say thanks to Ngude, and Horatio and Biff my fine lawyer. And as for my mother, well, I guess I won't be having to come out to the Hamptons every month to suck up to you for my Trust Fund dispensation.

So screw you, Mom.

The Sword Of Damocleese - Will jesusland Nuke Mecca

I have it on good atuthority (my good friend, Vlad, who works at the NSC in D.C.) that the United States of jesusland (Bushitler Riech) has threatened to "vaporize" or , in other wrods, "Nuke" Mecca.

Vlad email me the following email,


File Under: Top Secret

Just thought you might like to know, the Bush administration has identified the potential of nuking Mecca off the map as bin Laden's ultimate point of vulnerability – the Damoclean Sword hanging over his head. Keep this under your hat.

Vlad Stavrogin
National Security Council
Dept. of Inteligence & Clandestine Activity

This explains why bin Landen has not come to our aid, as we suffer under the barbraric hand of the Bushitler Regime. We are occupied by a madman.

These are perilous times. How should we then live?